The Rejected Alpha's Vengeance

[HAWI]

"I failed our people, didn't I?" Hawi asked as she held onto Ruru. She had been scared of never being enough and now her fears were coming to life. No matter what rumor said to her, she knew she had fallen back. Maybe she wasn't the right person for the job, no?

"No, baby, you didn't. You did everything possible to protect them. You did your best and you did well," Ruru said as she looked at Hawi when she pulled back from the hug.

She loved this woman so much it was breaking her to think that Hawi was falling apart once again. Life wasn't fair to the broken Sicario girl, and it wasn't fair how every time she was building herself back up, everything would fall apart.

"My best wasn't enough, Ruru. Look at us now. Where did my best get us? On a damn shore, thousands of miles away from home, with nothing other than the reminder of how badly I failed.

"Everything we worked so hard for. All that we did so far, look where I led us. Perhaps I was always meant to be a failure. A broken girl with nothing to live for other than the rage that came with vengeance.

"Who am I without all of these? What am I really? Would anyone ever look at me if I wasn't this broken girl with anger issues that scared the shit out of everyone including the powerful protectors of the realm?

"Would they want to be around me if I wasn't the one that scared them worse than the devil himself? Would they have chosen to be by my side if the unfortunate shit that happened along the way didn't happen?

"Would they have loved me if I wasn't the Sicario girl with a destiny weighing over my shoulders? Who am I really? Other than the chaotic woman everyone has to be on the lookout for, because she might go nuts anytime?

"You all trusted me, and now there is nothing here anymore. My whole life I sought the approval I was always denied by the people I loved, and look where that got me. With nothing, nothing to hold on to, nothing to show for all that I did.

"The lives I ruined? What the fuck would I even say to that? How the hell am I supposed to look at the Sicario people who just saw a ship go through the portals? A ship that probably contains danger for them?

"Are they even my people? What if Malika was wrong and I wasn't the white wolf, Ruru? Would I have been of any use to any of you? Or would I have ended up a delinquent on the streets of the realm, hoping to fight anything and everyone?" Hawi asked frustratedly.

She could feel the tears threatening to fall and she wasn't ready for them either, so she lifted her face to look up at the skies in the hope that her tears would go back, but then that didn't help, because they still fell faster than she had anticipated.

She had tried to do everything and tried to hold on but Hawi was fighting a bigger war than she had ever fought. She had always been trained to win, trained that failure was never part of her life, that she needed to be the best.

And yet here she was, with nothing to show for her best, with nothing to prove that she had done anything. The security in the realm had felt like a necessity and Hawi was certain the protectors would have done that on their own.

Everything she had struggled to make a reality, could have easily been done by others and that broke her heart. She was doubting herself for the very first time and this didn't look good for anyone, because if Awuor Hawi shut down, there would be nothing left.

The realm would be in shambles, seeing as her magic was the only thing giving the warriors the courage to step up and fight her magic had made the realm safer, even though she didn't feel like it.

Her magic was keeping everyone sane and protected, but then to her, it was like anyone could do that. But then who was to tell them about the broken girl that she had done in less than a year what no one had ever been able to in the thousands of years of magic?

Who was to remind her that she was the beacon of hope, the only reason anyone stepped up to fight with courage? That she was the reason everyone who had come out to defend their homes was even fighting in the first place?

She had given them courage and a desire to live. She had given them something to fight for, something to live for, something that could keep them alive, and yet here she was, breaking apart over one mistake.

Granted, the consequences of what happened today were bound to be dire, but without her, all of this wouldn't have even gotten here. She was the right competition and the sooner she understood that, the easier her life would be.

"I would stay beside you, my love. I loved you before you were even an alpha, Hawi. I fell in love with you without knowing who you were and what you did. I fell in love with the beautiful nine-year-old who freely ran around the free lands.

"The girl who didn't have anything but white lilies in her hands, as she ran through the flower garden like the world was worth living in. I loved you long before I knew what love was, and I know I would do it again.n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

"It's not easy doing this, I know. I understand how overwhelming it has been for you, but baby I would never leave your side. Title or not, mate bond or not, I would always be by your side.

"I would stay even if the world shunned you and called you names. I would stay if the realm praised you and thought of you as the best thing that ever happened. I would always cheer for you at your lowest and highest.

"Everyone understands that this is not easy, sweetheart, and they know that you do more than they would ever have done. But if it's too much, if the pain is too much, if the pressure is a lot, then we can run, Hawi.

"We can go to someplace where no one knows us, a place where it would be just us, to women living the lives they hoped for. If that is what it takes to see the smile on your face again, then we can do it.

"I know how to create steady untraceable portals. Just say the word, tell me that is what you want and hell's done, even the goddess won't find us for the longest time. All you have to do, is say the word, baby, and I will make it happen," Ruru said softly.

She was wiping Hawi's tears, when she saw the protectors in the distance watching with sad eyes. They could understand what wasn't an issue, but the fact that they understood the two women, couldn't be ignored.

"I… I can't leave without knowing if Mbali is okay," Hawi sighed as she furiously wiped her tears.