Savage Divinity

Chapter 550

No matter the occasion, I love sitting down for meals with family and friends, and doubly so when I cooked said meal. Theres something deeply satisfying about providing for my loved ones and seeing them enjoy the fruits of my labour, a fact I was only recently reminded of when Lin-Lin asked me to make dumplings for an afternoon snack. Meals arent just about acquiring sustenance, theyre also a time to fulfill the basic human need of social interaction. People eat and smile, chat and laugh, take time out of their day to hear about how others are doing, and its just a good time all around.

Usually. Today, as we all partake in our meal here in Taduks garden, there is no joy or satisfaction to be found. Chopsticks clacking against bowls and intermittent sips and slurps are all that fills the empty silence while I do my best not to take it personally. Theyre all distracted for good reason, like my eccentric teacher Taduk. So obsessed with his Spiritual Plant garden, he not only refused to take two minutes to run off and borrow some gardening tools, he also insisted we have our meal here in this shit-strewn field so he can keep an eye on his newly planted seeds, bulbs, shoots, and grafts. Its an impressive effort considering he pretty much seeded 90% of the garden while I was off cooking, but I cant help but be mildly annoyed by his strange and unconventional thinking. For one thing, he knows he has a pest problem, but he refuses to wait until after Ive caught the offending culprit to start planting again, so now hes so anxious about having his efforts wasted that he cant tear his eyes away from the garden. We even had to fence away the bunnies to keep them out of his garden, because he kept having a conniption every time they looked sideways at one of his precious seedlings. It really puts a damper on the whole affair, because even though the rabbits seem happy enough munching on veggies in their pen, Id much rather have them hopping around freely than confined to a small area which Im not in.

Not gonna lie, its mostly the last part. Besides, Taduks going to have to leave his garden untended while we go to that stupid banquet anyways, so even if he builds wooden planters and sets up a strong wire mesh, something will still eventually steal the fruits of his labour when hes not looking. I hope its not mole-rats again, Ive had enough of those ugly bastards for a lifetime, Demonic or otherwise. Also, I appreciate that Taduk is working hard for my sake so I might recover that much sooner, but hes been so busy with this garden that I havent seen him much since I came back from Sinuji. He leaves before breakfast and comes home for dinner, then its straight to bed and repeat.

So I guess Im trying to say I miss my Taddy...

Then theres Mila, Yan, Song, and Luo-Luo, all of whom are as distracted as my teacher, though for a different reason. While I was trying to convince Taduk to stop digging through poop-strewn dirt with his bare hands, the four of them slipped away to go meditate in the grove. At first, I thought it was some weird, unfunny prank, because it seemed kind of rude to block the only way in and out of the garden, but before I could call out and ask what was going on, Guard Leader stepped out of the shadows and scared me half to death. Apparently, the four meditating ladies found something unusual about Taduks little grove and were collectively parsing through their individual Insights. Its cool and all, but I cant help but feel extremely jealous of their staggering good fortune. I mean, here I am struggling to define my Martial Dao and unravel the mystery of using Chi with a shattered Core, while everyone around me has a direct line to the Mother Above so She can whisper secrets into their ears.

There are days when I reflect on my pessimistic attitude and think, You know what? Youre wrong. The world doesnt hate you. Stop being so dramatic.

Then there are days like today, in which my suspicions are totally validated and I can rest easy knowing that Im not an idiot or a failure, I just cant succeed because the world genuinely hates me.

Seriously, what gives? Wheres my sudden Insight? Mila called this grove a place of Enlightenment where everything sits in natural Balance, so why dont I feel anything while sitting here? Its not fair...

I guess Im just feeling vexed because things arent working out like Id hoped. Today was supposed to be a day off, a chance to relax after yesterdays never-ending stream of social ordeals, and I was looking forward to spending time with my beloved betrotheds. I figured Id cook lunch while they kept me company, and then wed all head out to fly kites or race rickshaws or something and have a grand old time. Instead, I had to ask Taduk to carry me out of the grove like a sack of potatoes because I couldnt use the only path out thanks to Yan waving her sword/axe/fan thing around willy nilly. Then I got to trudge off to the kitchen and cook lunch by myself, because Lin-Lin had to stay behind and watch the floofs while also helping Taduk tend to his precious garden.

Okay, to be fair, I did turn down Sorya and Anrhi when they offered to help, but even though Ive known Joranis charming half-sisters for a while now, were not exactly friends or anything. Besides, I dont feel comfortable spending an extended amount of time with them alone in an enclosed space. Its not because I dont trust myself around attractive women, but I just dont want to make forced small talk or partake in other forms of social interaction. Yea, its silly to intentionally avoid people then turn around to complain about having to cook alone, but Im allowed to be irrational and illogical, because thats part and parcel of being human.

Unable to take the stifling silence any longer, I swallow a mouthful of rice noodles and delicious braised pork (which no one besides Lin-Lin has complimented) and ask, So... whats so special about cultivating here? Like how is it different than normal?

After a brief pause to consider the question, Luo-Luo is the first to reply. This one found it much easier, she says, glancing fondly at the only exit as if wishing she were there now instead of eating a delicious meal which I spent two hours slaving over a stove to prepare. Balance came as easily as breathing, as if it were the natural state we were meant to exist in, but that was not all. This one heard a symphony hidden within the whistling wind and rustling leaves, the drawing of breath and the beating of heart, with light and shadow dancing to this beautiful and almost imperceptible tune. Sighing while lost in fond recollection, Luo-Luos bowl of noodles dips dangerously low and almost spills out the side, revealing that shes barely eaten a single bite even though Im already on my third bowl. Its delicious, so if they wont eat it, I will. It was majestic and sublime, a place of transcendent Divinity and palpable spirituality where this one felt closer to the Mother above than ever before.

All this praise for a dirt path in a grove, and she cant say one good thing about the noodles. Besides, whats so special about easy meditation? I used to do that too...

Truth be told, hearing Luo-Luos description makes it difficult to be upset about Taduks idiosyncratic ways. Not gonna lie, I was a little miffed when he told me he bought an entire bamboo grove and had it transported and transplanted over just so he could have a little privacy. Most people wouldve built a fence, but not Taduk. Maybe he was Inspired to do so, or maybe he just got lucky, because my teacher looks as confused as I am, which says a lot. It doesnt make sense, he mutters, his mouth full and eyes constantly scanning his garden. I just threw the stalks down wherever I fancied. How could it bring about such wondrous results? Briefly looking away from his garden to look at Luo-Luo, he asks, Are you sure you werent hallucinating? I know you children like to play with pharmaceuticals sometimes...

If so, then we all were, Sir Medical Saint. Hallucinating, that is, and I for one have not used any pharmaceuticals. Respectful as always, Yan bows her head ever so slightly when addressing Taduk, even though hes already gone back to watching his seeds and bulbs. Yan is this polite with Mom and Akanai too, but not with Dad, which is odd because I remember her being this big Bannerman fangirl. Either way, its weird seeing her behaving so prim and proper, but she doesnt notice my mocking smile and continues with her explanation unaffected. My experience differed in detail from Luo-Luos, but the end result was much the same, as if Balance were thrust upon me rather than sought out and obtained. There was more too. It felt like the Divine Wind was moving through the grove for the sole purpose of guiding me, repeating the same lessons it always shared but only... not in more detail, but in a more... personal and intimate manner. A one-on-one lesson if you will, wherein the topic discussed remained unchanged, but the manner of delivery seemed tailored to my experiences and understanding.

Taduk offers a non-committal grunt of acknowledgement, but no further thoughts of theories. Knowing cultivation and the Martial Dao is a very personal matter, I refrain from outright asking Song to share her experience, but either she feels comfortable enough to speak about it or she sees my curiosity as an implicit command. This one heard no music and felt no Divine Wind, Song begins, as matter of fact as ever. However, this one fixated on a single poem, Bamboo in the Rock, and...

Songs experience feels closest to my own, based on the Forms and their physical use, with no real supernatural weirdness aside from her brain fixating on a single poem. It can easily be explained considering its a poem about bamboo and she was sitting in a bamboo grove, which isnt really much of a leap in logic. As for her take away from the whole poem, thats up for debate, because while she thinks the poem is about adapting to ones circumstances and always striving to better oneself, Im pretty sure the bamboo in the poem is a metaphor for hardworking commoners subsisting in harsh conditions, and how even the lowest born peasant should stand tall and take pride in their familial roots.

Then again, what do I know about poetry? What does anyone know?

With the other three having given their answers, everyone naturally turns to Mila, who sits there with a smug, complacent expression pasted across her adorable freckled face. Lost in a haze of Insight and understanding, Im not even sure she heard our discussion, but when Lin-Lin asks her point blank what her experience was like, Mila smiles and answers, Insightful. Wonderful. I never entirely understood why Auxiliary Blessings and Esoteric Blessings were so different, but after meditating in the grove, I think I get it now.

...Whats an Auxiliary Blessing? Judging by everyones incredulous stares turned in my directions, it seems like this is yet another piece of common knowledge I should already know, but Im long past being ashamed of my ignorance. And Esoteric, while were at it.

For once, Mila doesnt answer my question with a snort, and its a pleasant change from the usual. A Primal Element is one of the base four, Earth, Fire, Wind, or Water. An Auxiliary Blessing is comprised of two Primal Blessings, and gives the user access to three Blessings in total. Metal, Wood, Sand, Ice, Lightning, and Cloud are the most common Auxiliary Blessings, but there are others which can result from the same pairing. For example, Fire and Wind form Lightning, but can also form Light, but one Blessed by Lightning is not the same as one Blessed by Light. Its a complicated topic which scholars have debated for thousands of years, but with Blessings being so rare, its difficult to come up with a proper classification which they all neatly fit into.

...Do I have an Auxiliary Blessing? You know, since I Awakened twice?

No, Yan replies with an exasperated roll of her eyes. Wheres the respectful and deferential girl who was talking to Taduk earlier? Seems like she just upped and disappeared. Or rather, you may or may not have an Auxiliary Blessing, but your two separate Awakenings have no bearing on it. Until you showed up, everyone only Awakened once, regardless of their Blessing.

Haha, Im so quirky and different, not like the other Martial Warriors. Got it. I think. I have the Blessing of Water. Probably. Or at the very least, I am Water adjacent. This would be so much easier if Id gotten my Awakening information package, but its been years and I still barely understand how it works. The most I could do was condense water on my sword and turn regular water into Chi Tea, but even then its mostly me fumbling around in the dark. Maybe Ive got an Auxiliary Blessing in the form Wood and Water to make Tea, but that sounds so... blasphemous. If Im going to Awaken to a drink, itll be Coffee or riot. So what are Esoteric Blessings?

They are a catch all term for Blessings which dont fit under Primal or Auxiliary Blessings. Almost as an afterthought, Mila adds, Like Shadow, Sound, or mine.

Or Tea and Coffee? I dont even know anymore. Also, I knew Mila had a Blessing, but to this day, Im still not sure of what. Its not Smoke, like Guan Suo, right? That would be terrible. I dont want my sweet wifey to be addicted to the pipe.

Instead of continuing, my subdued beloved decides this is the time to stop talking and eat her noodles, slurping them up while staring off into the distance and obviously lost in her thoughts. Long seconds pass as we watch her empty her bowl in a single gulp, without stopping to chew or breathe. Her food finished, she holds her chopsticks to her lips in thought and asks, Earlier I said Fire and Air is Light or Lightning, but what separates one from the other?

Most of this stuff is going right over my head, but I think I know the answer to this one. Probably the ratios involved. Light is probably more air and less fire, while Lightning would be the reverse. Shrugging, I ask, Right?

Close enough, Taduk replies, absently reaching to pat my head, but while I would normally be all too happy to let him, I can see the poop dirt under his nails. Though not entirely correct. If it were simply a matter of ratios, then there would be no need to differentiate between the two different Blessings as one could switch freely between the two, and no reason for Esoteric Blessings to be unable to manipulate their base Primal Elements. Of course, some argue that there actually isnt a need to differentiate, and that the classification system is over-complicating the matter from the start, but theres no need for you to delve so deeply into the subject.

...So maybe its not the ratio in use, but rather the concentration and configuration of the combined Blessings which form an Esoteric Blessing. Smoke is probably Air, Fire, and Earth, with Air being present in the highest concentration and Earth the lowest, which means... Muttering to herself more than sharing with the rest of us, Mila doesnt finish her sentence and rushes back to her spot on the path, ostensibly to go meditate some more.

Didnt even say thanks for the meal or flash her fierce and lovely smile. I feel neglected and unloved. Then again, last night I forgot the date for our wedding, so I suppose this is well deserved...

Noticing Yan and Luo-Luo trading sheepish glances and Song already following on Milas heels, I stifle a sigh and wave them away. Go on and meditate. Ill be fine. The Martial Dao waits for no one. Yans grateful smile almost makes it worthwhile, though she spoils it by sticking out her tongue, so I glower and add, But if youre going to wave your weapon around, wait until after Ive left with Lin-Lin and the animals. I dont mind being abandoned for work, but if you think Im gonna sit around and wait until youre finished, then youve got another thing coming.

Taduk turns down my invitation to come along, but to my surprise, the hidden Guard Leader accepts, even though I only offered to be polite. Whatever, shes a quiet, reserved sort and Lin-Lin doesnt seem too put off by her veiled bodyguards unConcealed presence, especially since the taciturn woman wouldve probably been following us anyways. I dont really understand her at all. At first, she was stuck to Lin-Lin like glue, but after her run in with Pong Pong and his Aura of Crippling Despair, Guard Leader stuck close to Taduks side and has been there ever since. She didnt even come out when Lin-Lin followed me to the front lines, so Im guessing shes having a real issue dealing with whatever emotions Pong Pong dredged up.

Poor Guard Leader. Depression sucks, and I wouldnt wish it on anyone, but maybe an afternoon of fun activities will cheer her up. Together, we lead a train of floofs out to explore the farm, and it isnt long before Lin-Lin breaks out the kites, and Im only too happy to join her. Its almost magical how her enthusiasm for life and adventure just grabs you by the scruff of the neck and drags you along for the ride. In an hour or two, Ill remember Im a grown ass man who shouldnt run laughing across a field while pulling an elaborate dragon-shaped kite behind me, but here and now, in this moment shared with my beloved little wifey, Im having fun, and nothing else matters.

With good winds and plenty of practice, we soon have eight elaborate kites fluttering in the wind, and when the local kids come out to watch or say hi to Ping Ping, I invite them over to play along. Several concerned parents try to politely decline for fear of my floofs or even fear of me, but Lin-Lins winning smile and Ping Pings polite waves are more than enough reassurance for most. While my wifey shows everyone the ropes, including an all-too serious Guard Leader, I make small talk with the parents out of a deep-seated need to garnish all my good fun with a dash of suffering. Rather than the families of the Sentinels living on the farms periphery, these are the local farmers themselves, most of whom worked here for the previous owner and accepted my offer of continued employment. Theres not much to talk about since Luo-Luo has everything well in hand, so all they really need to do is plant beets in the fields and keep away from Taduk. However, being the busybody that I am, I ask about their living arrangements and daily lives so I can figure out how to possibly improve them and feel like Im doing something with my life.

Honestly, Im not as generous and charitable as people think. I just hate seeing people suffer, so I make an effort to ensure the people I see arent suffering. Im motivated by the need to not feel shitty, rather than out of any underlying desire to do good for the sake of good. Maybe Kuang Biao is right, and Im arrogant enough to take responsibility for matters beyond my control, but this is different. If things work out, these people are going to make me a buttload of money, so the least I could do is make sure theyre warm and well-fed.

After promising to build a proper road to the river, Im reminded of yet another reason for my visit. Leaving Lin-Lin to play with the shrieking children and their billowing kites, I set off to see the river for myself, with only Kuang Biao, Ping Ping, and Mama Bun to keep me company and a packed, burlap bag slung over my shoulder. While the Death Corps guard follows closely in my shadow, Mama Bun bounds this way and that to explore her surroundings, her nose twitching furiously every now and then as she stops to dig a little in the dirt. Maybe the soil smells different around here, or shes found a new type of grass she really, really likes, but regardless of the reason, the sweet bunbun ambles about to examine anything and everything which crosses her path.

Upon arriving at the river, Ping Ping wades in with a squeak of delight, even though its almost too narrow for her to fit and certainly not deep enough for her to dive into. You wouldnt know it from looking at her though, as the giant turtle settles into the water with a satisfied squeak. Maybe its because the water is actually flowing here, unlike the still waters of the lake inside the Citadel, so I make a note to see if I can get permission to bring her out into the moat running along the western side of the Citadel. I already tried once and Dad said the moat was too crowded with ships and transports, but if Ping Ping wants to sit in flowing water, then Im gonna get her flowing water to sit in, even if I have to build her a waterfall with my own two hands.

Idly hoping the Central Citadel has a place she can swim in, I put down my bag and pull out a box of freshly caught shrimp and a bucket of lively crabs. Lunch time! I call, even though I feel a little silly doing this with Kuang Biao around. He cant be trusted to keep a secret, and Id really rather not think about how he reports my actions to the Legate, or anyone else for that matter. Well, such is life. Today only, an extra large box of shrimp!

Sailing out of the water in a graceful arc, Pong Pong lands neatly atop his lunchbox with mouth open and eyes wide, alternating between squeaking and honking as turtles are wont to do. Tiny as always and more adorable than ever, his beautifully patterned shell shakes back and forth while he does a little happy dance over todays massive offering before finally deigning to acknowledge my presence, if only to tap his clawed arm against the box to demand I open it now. All too happy to see him, I let his poor manners slide and set the box on the ground before removing the lid, and the tiny, gluttonous turtle dives in with reckless abandon, a sight which is amusing, horrifying, and oddly exhilarating all at the same time.

Not gonna lie, I miss the little guy. He might very well be the smartest of my pets, so its hilarious to see how he reacts to things. I wonder... does the Legate suspect anything about Pong Pong? I mean, the tiny turtle is smart and speedy, but hes never really exhibited his phenomenal cosmic powers in any obvious ways.

You know... aside from that one time when he nearly killed me and four Peak Martial Experts out in Nan Ping Bay, but no one besides those involved know anything about it, and somehow I doubt Gang pour my fucking tea Shu and his underlings would care to share information with the Imperials.

The river bubbles and gurgles as Sir Inky surfaces to say hi, and I reach over to give his bulbous brown head a light scritching in greeting. Wrapping two tentacles lightly around my wrist to keep the current from washing him away, the oddest of my pets bobs in place and enjoys the attention while I settle in for Pong Pongs lunchtime matinee. Sorry I havent been around lately, I say, holding one shrimp in place so its easier for the little turtle to eat. Ive been busy with the war and whatnot. I came back a few days ago, but this is the first chance Ive had to make the trip. I dont know if you heard, but some weird stuff happened while I was in Sinuji, and now I have to go on another trip to attend some stupid banquet, so it might be awhile before I come back again.

Maybe Im imagining it, but it feels like Pong Pong is watching me while I speak, almost as if he understands. I doubt it though. Chances are hes just wondering why the weird soft-skin is making so much noise while he eats, but hes still a good listener. A lot of good people died there. Hell, its a damn miracle I survived myself, but I have no idea how. A primal, instinctive state of Balance, according to Monk Happy, but I dont entirely believe it. Then again, these days I have no idea what to believe, but apparently I need to believe in something for things to work out. Weird right?

Done with my rant, I settle in on my heels and enjoy this moment of peace for as long as I can. After a few minutes, Sir Inky grows bored of being scritched and pulls himself up along my forearm to inspect the bucket of crab. Cautiously reaching in to pull one out, he watches my reaction as if to ask, Is this for me? Unable to contain my smile, I nod as if he might understand the gesture and wince as he crunches into the treat with an unrestrained joy found only in children and animals alike. Those children back there with Lin-Lin are having the time of their lives, and so are Sir Inky and Pong Pong. This is a level of contentment which can only be seen in children and animals alike, an unrestrained joy and zest for life which is reserved solely for the innocent and naive, a complete focus on the here and now which lets them find so much joy in the moment and I envy them for it.

I cant be like that. I always have something to worry about. Right now, Im concerned about my dwindling finances all going into Runic Cannon research and hoping this sugar beet business pays off, while also keeping an eye on that weird shadow in the rushes because it might be hiding a Concealed assassin. Being the paranoid bastard I am, I lob a rock at the shadow just to be sure, and its a palpable relief to watch it sail through the air and splash into the water without smacking into something unseen along the way.

One can never be too safe.

I wish I could be as happy and carefree as Ping Ping, Pong Pong, or Sir Inky. Lin-Lin is doing life right, and Im fortunate enough to share in her joy and animation, but it never lasts. Already Im wondering what I wouldve done if that shadow had been an assassin. Run and screamed most likely, while praying Kuang Biao can kill the assassin before the assassin could kill me. I hate being so helpless, but my Martial Dao is so tangled and messy I dont know where to start. The Legates old Beardy Divinity made a weird comment about my Dao, in how swearing service would be in direct conflict with it and ruin my value, but I dont really get it. How would it ruin me? Because I wouldnt be motivated to work? I mean, motivation is easy, get stronger or die. Cant be more motivated than that, so why would a lack of motivation ruin my Dao?

More to the point, what is my Dao? Its vital I figure this out before moving on, because if I run into a dead end, meaning something my Dao cannot progress past, then it will be difficult to backtrack and pick up from an earlier point. People dont change, not without effort, and changing your core values and beliefs is the hardest of all. Whats more, the Dao is different for everyone, and todays conversation about Insight made that clearer than ever. Luo-Luos Dao obviously has to do with music and dance, while Songs seems closely tied to poetry and the Forms. Yans Dao follows the Divine Wind, and Milas... well Milas is a mystery still, but I doubt its anything like the others. Whats worse is none of this helps me identify my Dao. What is it? Logic and reasoning? Doubtful, considering I have no idea how I pulled off most of my greatest successes. In fact, Id even say Im more successful when I ignore how to do something and focus on what. Guiding? Just throw your sword, 4head. Aura? Think emotional thoughts and share them without words, easy peasy. Chi Tea? Steep in a tub, and blammo. Domain? Reject the world and make your own place in it.

Theres no how. Only do.

Maybe thats how animals use Chi. They dont question things, they just do them. Maybe they see Chi as a natural extension of their physical selves, rather than some magic and mystical power. It helps them do what they can already do, just better. Bears need to climb? They Lighten themselves to help it along. Wildcat needs to hunt? Concealment will do wonders for their success rate. Hare wants to eat poultry? Cloud-step your way into the skies and snag yourself a duck.

Yea, Cloud Chaser Hares dont really fit the mould...

Then again, maybe Im onto something. Even though roosters cant fly, they have wings and feathers, so Kukku could probably soar through the air if he Lightened himself a bit. I doubt hed be as graceful as a regular bird, but I bet he could at least hover around for a bit, if he really tried. Thing is, he doesnt try, because hes a rooster who spent his entire life knowing he cant fly. Then theres Ping Ping, who can manipulate Water, but only in a limitend fashion. She doesnt conjure Water tentacles to lash out at her foes or a flowing river for her to swim in, but she can spit water bullets and redirect water currents to spin quins around, because to her turtle brain, those are natural interactions she can do without Chi. Theres nothing mystical about spitting water or affecting the current, because she can do that normally, but Chi just makes her better at it, which is faith in a twisted sort of way.

Maybe thats what everyone means by follow your Martial Dao. Find what fits for you, and follow it through to the end.

So what is my Dao? Where do I fit into this world?

...

Newsflash: I dont. Im a statistical anomaly, a metaphysical hiccup, a fly in the ointment of the Mothers grand work. This is not my world, nor will it ever be, so maybe thats why Balance feels like a struggle instead of a warm embrace, or why I dont get the same Insights and Awakenings as everyone else. The Mother loves all Her children, but Im not one of them, am I?

Okay. Mystery solved. Great. Now what?

...

No idea.

But...

Ill worry about it later. For now, Im going to take in the sights and enjoy the moment. Once Pong Pong and Sir Inky are done with their meals, Ill head back and see if Lin-Lin wants to go rickshaw racing, or give quin-rides to the kids brave enough to try. After that, who knows?

Im tired of always wondering why Im unhappy. Today, Im just gonna go be happy, and theres nothing anyone can do to stop me.

Move!

The world blurs as my body sails through the air, tossed to one side like a sack of clothes. Instincts and training kick in and I go with the flow, tumbling across the dirt path and going head over heels to land neatly on my feet. Turning around with my hands raised to defend me, I see Kuang Biaos flashing sword trading blows with three unknown assailants, all of whom are dressed like peasants and move like Experts. Run! Kuang Biao bellows, only moments before one assailant breaks away from the fight and charges over to take my life while his companions keep my only guard busy.

...

Well so much for today being a happy day. Youd think that after all these years, Id have learned to stop raising flags and tempting fate...

Chapter Meme